Halloween Jukebox: Louis

31 Days of Horror: Day 1 "Dr. Phibes Rises Again"

Summary: Vincent Price resurrects his role as the grief-stricken, revenge-hungry Dr. Phibes bent on avenging the death of his beloved and bringing her age-less body back to life. Full disclosure, I didn't see the original. I have no idea why Phibes is unable to move his mouth while speaking and instead uses a Victrola-like apparatus connected to what I believe is his voice box via a large Frankenstein-esque plug in the side of his neck (yup). Apparently also just like the first film, he has a silent vixen named Vulnavia at his beckon call. I have no idea who she is or where she came from, but her outfits make me want to drape myself in pleating. One distinct highlight of the film was watching Terry-Thomas in his bit part as Lombardo. good. stuff.

Interesting fact according to IMDB:

The second part of a planned trilogy. The third film would have featured Phibes fighting a group of Nazis, or searching for the key to Olympus. The title would have been "Phibes Resurrectus," "The Seven Fates of Dr. Phibes" or "The Brides of Dr. Phibes". 

I cannot confirm nor deny the validity of that statement, but I truly hope it is true.

I can see how this film has become a cult classic. The premise is insane, cinematography amazing, Vincent Price is incredible and the sets and costumes are absolutely over-the-top. I have included some screenshots as evidence of this:

31 Days of Horror: Scare Season

Unfortunately I was not able to start my 31 Days of Horror on time this year as I have been busy prepping for the season by vacationing in the most frightening place in the United States, a place where you're surrounded by deserted areas where no one can hear you scream, the inspiration of countless horror stories (never mind that they were all written by the same person)... Maine. Other than being terrified by unidentifiable woodland noises, I also was able to watch one horror movie: Cabin in the Woods, which is one of the better horror movies of last year. 

Summary: A group of college students vacation in a creepy old cabin in the woods... sound familiar? Well it is, but for a reason you'd never imagine. You spend most of the movie trying to figure out what's going on and I mean that in the best way possible. There is a great mix of humor, cliches and gore to keep the viewer entertained. Not the creepiest movie, certainly not the best horror movie ever made, but overall an entertaining film. The film owes a great debt to Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford for making an unbelievable plot fairly plausible.

31 Days of Horror 2011: Day Seven "Santa Sangre"

Summary: An institutionalized man recalls his strange and grisly childhood in a circus before escaping and going on a bloody killing spree encouraged by his deranged arm-less mother.

When your mom is a jealous religious zealot/circus performer and your dad is a randy sequined hypnotic ringmaster, you KNOW you're gonna grow-up to be a psycho killer!

Our protagonist recalls his mother's brutal (and totally awesome) death at the hands of his father after she pours acid on her husband's penis upon catching him with another woman. His father, presumably figuring there was nothing left to live for after the loss of his junk, slits his own throat in front of his young son. The deaths put a wedge into the boys budding relationship with a deaf mute areal performer who's mother was the temptress which served as a catalyst to his parents demise... and that is just the set-up!

This movie was by far the best I watched in the month of October. Director Jodorowsky (el topo, holy mountain) perfectly choreographs off-kilter circus scenes, tracking his characters as they move through a surreal world complete with a dying elephant, a slutty knife-licking tattooed lady, a blood-obsessed religious cult, and an amazing mother+son performance in which he acts as her missing arms. I absolutely loved it!!

31 Days of Horror 2011: Day Six Double Feature!! "The Crow" + "The Crow: Wicked Prayer"

Summary: Classic early 90's action movie about man who comes back to life, puts on harlequin face make-up, dresses like a KMFDM fan, and seeks vengeance on an anarchist gang on the anniversary of his and his fiance's deaths.

I'm pretty sure everyone born after 1975 has seen this movie. It came out in 1994, a banner year in Hollywood in my opinion (Ed Wood, Pulp Fiction, and Natural Born Killers).  I, along with many of my peers, was destined to fall in love with the Crow's dark subject matter, rain soaked scenery, and 'buzzworthy' soundtrack.

What can I say? It was a great time to be young and goth.

Fast forward 11 years:




Summary: This time our vengeful protagonist lives in a dessert border town where he is constantly hounded by the townspeople for being one of the the few 'gringos' around (and also presumably for acting like such a pussy). He also manages to piss-off Satanist cult leader and mesh shirt enthusiast David Boreanaz who kills him and his much-to-hot-for-him fiance as part of a crime spree designed to impress Satan into granting Boreanaz immortality.

As you may have guessed by now, this film is fucking TERRIBLE. I'm not 100% sure if it's supposed to be campy or not, which somehow makes it even worse. The entire thing looks like it was shot on a Sony handheld which gives it an even more amateur look and shatters any slight suspension of disbelief one might have.

Little Eddie Furlong plays the Crow (aka Cuervo -- you know, crow in spanish) in his typical misunderstood 13 year old boy style. It makes me particularly sad to see, as my teenage self totally crushed on Furlong. He had his childhood highs, (pet cemetery) then some scandal and terrible films, but when he played the title role in John Water's 'Pecker' I thought maybe, just maybe he got his shit together. NOPE!

 Through out the entirety of the film, all I could think about was this:

...because it is so fucking true! Look at that shit!

Ok, Furlong aside, we have David Boreanaz as the goth gang leader on his quest for Satan's power which apparently culminates in marrying his witchy side-kick/lover played by the ever terrible Tara Reid. There's a great scene in which Boreanaz makes snacks for his gang after one of their killing sprees and serves nothing but devil-themed foods. This is not a joke. I almost feel like the roles should have been reversed as Boreanaz never stops looking like a jock in a Halloween costume and Furlong never stops looking like Kristen Stewart.

Halloween Jukebox: 50's Edition ~ Zombies!!

31 Days of Horror 2011: Day Five "Name of the Rose"

Summary: Ex-detective (maybe) turned Franciscan monk (barely) Sean Connery teams up with a super young femme-faced Christian Slater to form a crime solving duo investigating unusual deaths at a particularly scary monastery run by a blind head monk played by the always amusing William Hickey (one crazy summer, my blue heaven). 

As I watched this film, I was reminded of a couple of things:

1. "Don't judge a book by it's cover" Hollywood in the 80's (and for decades before that) really did not reinforce this idea. In many movies you can spot the bad guy right away, he is angry looking deformed one or the one driving a muscle car with a skull on it. The monks in the order under investigation are horrifyingly ugly. I mean these monks look like total shit, hair all disheveled, eyes all fucked up, over weight and sweaty. The naturally strange looking Ron Perlman is particularly jacked, missing patches of hair and sporting a large hump. Clearly there is some evil going on in that place.

2. 

3. In the 80's there were two foes: the Russians and the Devil. 

This movie has enough secret invisible writings, evasive powerful monks, banned books, pedophiles, ciphers, pupilless eyes, suicides, punishments of sinful flesh, forbidden libraries, Inquisitions, and secret crypt passageways to make Dan Brown cream his pants.

Did I mention there is also some soft-core porn featuring a barely legal Christian Slater AND F. Murray Abraham (amadeus, scarface) as the king of the evil monks/Connery's arch nemesis? Yeah.