Sunday, October 23, 2011

31 Days of Horror 2011: Day Six Double Feature!! "The Crow" + "The Crow: Wicked Prayer"



Summary: Classic early 90's action movie about man who comes back to life, puts on harlequin face make-up, dresses like a KMFDM fan, and seeks vengeance on an anarchist gang on the anniversary of his and his fiance's deaths.

I'm pretty sure everyone born after 1975 has seen this movie. It came out in 1994, a banner year in Hollywood in my opinion (Ed Wood, Pulp Fiction, and Natural Born Killers).  I, along with many of my peers, was destined to fall in love with the Crow's dark subject matter, rain soaked scenery, and 'buzzworthy' soundtrack.

What can I say? It was a great time to be young and goth.

Fast forward 11 years:




Summary: This time our vengeful protagonist lives in a dessert border town where he is constantly hounded by the townspeople for being one of the the few 'gringos' around (and also presumably for acting like such a pussy). He also manages to piss-off Satanist cult leader and mesh shirt enthusiast David Boreanaz who kills him and his much-to-hot-for-him fiance as part of a crime spree designed to impress Satan into granting Boreanaz immortality.

As you may have guessed by now, this film is fucking TERRIBLE. I'm not 100% sure if it's supposed to be campy or not, which somehow makes it even worse. The entire thing looks like it was shot on a Sony handheld which gives it an even more amateur look and shatters any slight suspension of disbelief one might have.

Little Eddie Furlong plays the Crow (aka Cuervo -- you know, crow in spanish) in his typical misunderstood 13 year old boy style. It makes me particularly sad to see, as my teenage self totally crushed on Furlong. He had his childhood highs, (pet cemetery) then some scandal and terrible films, but when he played the title role in John Water's 'Pecker' I thought maybe, just maybe he got his shit together. NOPE!

 Through out the entirety of the film, all I could think about was this:



...because it is so fucking true! Look at that shit!

Ok, Furlong aside, we have David Boreanaz as the goth gang leader on his quest for Satan's power which apparently culminates in marrying his witchy side-kick/lover played by the ever terrible Tara Reid. There's a great scene in which Boreanaz makes snacks for his gang after one of their killing sprees and serves nothing but devil-themed foods. This is not a joke. I almost feel like the roles should have been reversed as Boreanaz never stops looking like a jock in a Halloween costume and Furlong never stops looking like Kristen Stewart.

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